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Border Towns Meet Tropical Storms

This is a survival guide. Some day you could find yourself stuck in that little town between the big city and the closed border (due to flooding) and you will thank me for this little piece of wisdom... So without further ado...

5:00 AM - Wake up because you have been sleeping for two days and cannot possibly sleep any more.
5:30 AM - Take a cold shower... (You are after all in Belize)
6:00 AM - Coffee at the local ex-pat coffee shop. B.S. with the locals about how much this storm sucks and when they think the border will be open again. (apparently they do not have as much faith as I do about getting out of here in the next two days)
7:00 AM - Take another cold shower. (Hey you don't know when there will be water again because of the floods.)
7:30 AM - Make devil horns out of your hair in front of the mirror while shaving. (Amusing yourself is a very valuable talent)
8:00 AM - More coffee and an inevitable breakfast. (caffeine poisoning is starting to set in)
8:30 AM - More coffee and look at the plethora of amazing tours that you could be taking right now. (that is if everything weren't flooded and impassable)
9:00 AM - Ask again about border conditions and run across internet cafe. (they have free coffee)
9:00-11:00 AM - Catch up on uploading pictures and blogs. (did I mention free coffee?)
11:00 AM - Take break from blogging and go find a beer. (oh they have wireless here so more picture uploads)
12:00 PM - Lunch. (Love the stewed chicken, rice, and beans)
12:30 PM - Ask again about border conditions. (nothing has changed but you heard a good story about two people drowning because they hired a drunk man with a boat to take them across the river. He is in jail now)
1:00-3:00 PM - Go back to the internet cafe and try to write. (entirely too much coffee to think straight so you end up mystalking for two hours)
3:00 PM - Go shopping for a highlighter.
3:30 PM - Give up on a highlighter and start looking for a single paper-clip
4:00 PM - Give up on both because it is about as effective as looking for plutonium on the moon. Start shopping for random trinkets in random shops.
5:00 PM - Realize that you have no room for that ceremonial mask you had your heart set on and go find a happy hour.
5:30 PM - Drink local rum drinks at half price. Meet locals galore: The tour guide, the ex-pat, the drug dealer, the competition for the drug dealer, the pimp, the kid selling Mayan art to help his friend with cancer, and maybe one or two tourists that have been in the bar WWWAAAYYYY longer than you have.
7:00 PM - Dinner (more stewed chicken and rice)
7:30 PM - Ask about border conditions
7:45 PM - Ask somebody else about border conditions (he couldn't possibly have known what he was talking about)
8:00 PM - Another beer at the local pub. More locals and tourists.
9:00 PM - Ask one more time about border conditions. (you might get lucky)
9:30 PM - You have had an extremely strenuous day!!! Treat yourself to a hot shower (oh wait there isn't any water hot or otherwise) And go to bed early so you can wake up early in the morning and check those border conditions over your morning cup of coffee.
12:00 AM - You drank too much coffee today and can't sleep... Reread Sex Lives of Cannibals for the third time.